Mother’s Heart

I love being a mom. I loved the cuddles, the chaos, the love freely given; especially when the kids were small. Little children give their love so easily. Their sloppy kisses and sticky hugs more than make up for the mess and stress of running around after them.

We all know there’ll be a time when they’ll break our heart, but it doesn’t stop us from loving them. It did surprise me how early my youngest one broke mine, though.

His siblings were already in school. He had his year at home alone with me and was so excited to go to school, just like his brother and sister. He was finally going to kindergarten! He excitedly picked out his backpack and his lunch box. He practiced climbing the bus steps on round up day. He was so ready to go and chattered about it almost non-stop.

Morning, the first day of school. Pictures were taken. I didn’t notice it at the time, but after, I could see the distress increase on his face and his smile become forced in each picture. The bus came and with a final hug and wave, the kids clambered on. The older two walked back a few rows, waved as they sat down. He topped the stairs, turned into the first seat, pressed his little face against the window and stared forlornly directly into my heart.

I burst into tears as the bus pulled away and cried all morning. I don’t think I’ve ever felt anyone’s eyes in my soul the way I felt my son’s that day. The sadness in them that a big change had just occurred and things would never be the same. He recognized it and wanted to make sure I knew it too. It’s a memory I will never forget.

I had a moment like that with my other children, too, a moment that changed my heart profoundly. Each child touches our mother’s heart in ways that change us forever. I would have it no other way.