Mother’s Day Cover Stories

Any mom can tell you that being a mother is not for the faint of heart. Whether you gave birth to one or many children or were gifted children through adoption or a fostering process, you know that the moment you hold your precious child for the first time, your life will be changed forever. From that point on, you do all you can to provide the very best for your child/children, and you, as the mom, will always put their needs ahead of your own. The mothering instinct is very real.

This is a story of tremendous love and loss seen through the eyes of a mom watching her daughter experience 32 traumatic months with her young son, Johnny. He was a childhood cancer warrior, diagnosed with Ewing’s sarcoma at age 7. Johnny sustained treatments of all kinds for 25 months over almost a three-year period, with a seven and a half month period of remission. Johnny laid down his sword on April 15, just after his 10th birthday.

Johnny’s story is one of amazing strength, faith and a positive attitude that belied the disease that was ravaging his body and took away what he wanted most — to be an ordinary kid. The story of his parents’ search for treatments is extraordinary and included thousands of miles of travel, including three trips to a cancer research clinic in Germany.

But this story isn’t about Johnny’s Mom and how she navigated through those long months with Johnny, continued to support the needs of his three younger siblings, kept working as a school counselor until the last several weeks of Johnny’s life and somehow managed to maintain her important connections to relatives and friends.

There are not enough adjectives to adequately describe the level of caring and support that Gillian gave to Johnny. As her mom, I couldn’t be prouder of the inner strength and fortitude she mustered to do what was needed every step of the way.

When I think back to my early days as Gillian’s mom, I recall a couple of trips to the ER, one for a febrile seizure and another for stitches on her chin after a playground fall. Then there was 9/11, and the need to reassure her and her brother that the world was not filled with hate and that being kind and caring was important in all aspects of our lives. Those incidents, while scary and etched into my memory, seem trivial now compared to the gravity of the challenges that Gillian faced with Johnny’s cancer: the initial diagnosis, treatments, tests, imaging results, painful cries, countless meetings with doctors and clinicians, time away from her other very young children, days and nights of tears and holding onto hope and praying for a miracle. All of these will continue to shape her life as she finds ways to hold her grief and channel it to help her family and others facing similar situations.

I saw in Gillian a mom who made sure Johnny could participate as much as possible in the life of his siblings despite his declining health. Earlier this year, when Johnny’s two sisters were playing basketball in the Upward program, Johnny wanted to go watch the game and see some of his buddies who had been teammates in prior years. Since he could no longer walk, it was a challenge on a snowy day to get him into the car and to the venue. I watched as Gillian carefully placed Johnny in his wheelchair and proudly pushed him into the gym. He lit up as people greeted him. Gillian knew he needed to be there, and she smiled as he talked with other kids and adults as well.

In the days and weeks that followed, I observed Gillian lovingly assisting Johnny with his daily care and sitting and lying close to him, soaking up precious moments. She did so with such grace and care, providing comfort and love to her son, knowing as only a mother could, that his time on Earth was coming to an end.

Johnny’s passing is still so raw, and words that could cushion the blow are difficult to find. For Gillian, on this upcoming Mother’s Day, I have found some of the words from the Serenity Prayer to be comforting to me, and hope they also provide some comfort to her as we grieve the loss of our shining star, Johnny LaMancuso.

“O God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change… Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace.” (Reinhold Niebuhr, Author)

A post-script: Because this was written specifically as a tribute to Johnny’s Mom, Ellen still needs to acknowledge the relentless research, time, effort, love and faith that Johnny’s Dad provided to his son. That is a story for another day.

The word ‘Mother’ is one we hear often. It’s many a child’s first word, or at least some variation of it: we can picture tiny tots toddling around babbling “Mama” or “Mommy.” How lovely that a child’s first word is often naming one of the most important people in their lives.

Merriam-Webster defines mother as “a female parent,” for its first definition, followed by “source or origin,” for its second definition and ends its list with “something that is an extreme or ultimate example of its kind, in terms of scale, i.e. ‘The Mother of all Construction Projects.’” The first definition is a common understanding of the word, the second is thought-provoking and the final definition seems a little out of place without the context.

But, motherhood can be extreme, in both the good sense of the word and the bad. There are most definitely highs and lows in the rollercoaster ride mothers face. It’s a journey that involves and envelops the mother in a series of “seasons” of life. This journey looks different for every mother, and the ups and downs can be as different as night and day.

Of course, there are the joys of motherhood: a child’s laugh, their first words, the beauty of watching them learn and grow in their first years. As they get older, there is the ability to provide a listening ear, imparting advice as needed and even still, some fun and whimsy along the way. As the children reach adulthood, there are still the phone calls for help, the joy of watching them come into their own and the pride of seeing them well on their way. These seasons are the fuel that gets mothers through their difficult times; the memories they will cling to in hardship.

The hard times can be incredibly hard for mothers. Some mothers face the loss of their child, the heart they held so closely outside of their bodies. Some mothers face difficulties with mental health or their physical health that lead to incredible difficulties both internally and in their day-to-day lives. Some mothers face the horrors of war and somehow balance that strain and fear while caring for their families. Some mothers face difficulties with conception and carry the grief of loss with them every day.

There are so many issues that mothers across the globe face day in and day out — we couldn’t possibly name them all here.

Mother’s Day is one day on the calendar that we collectively set aside to honor mothers. We might take our mothers out to brunch; perhaps we’ll pick up some flowers and spend a lovely Spring day together. It is, of course, right and good to celebrate Mother’s Day and honor our mothers for all they have done for us. It is important to take the time to give them a glimpse of the joy, devotion and love they have provided us and how much it means to us.

However, we must not forget that this day also brings heaviness to the hearts of many: the grief of a lost loved one, the pain felt for a child so dearly desired but never born and the struggles of mothers who have endured infertility. This may well be a difficult day for many for a myriad of reasons. Keeping that in mind, let us celebrate mothers as they should be celebrated, but also gently hold space for those whose day may be tinged with sadness.

To be a mother is to carry both joy and ache, often at the same time, often in silence. It is a role shaped not by a single definition, but by a thousand lived experiences. On this Mother’s Day, may we honor all mothers, including the ones who are grieving, longing, healing or simply enduring. May we meet them all with the same quiet understanding: that motherhood, in all its forms, is both tender and immense.