Filling Our Jars

Stephen Covey in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People series tells the following story: One day an expert was speaking to a group of business students. He stood in front of the group of high-powered over-achievers and said, "Okay, time for a quiz." Then he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed mason jar and set it on a table in front of him. He produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, "Is this jar full?" Everyone in the class said, "Yes."

Then he said, "Really?" He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks. Then he smiled and asked the group once more, "Is the jar full?" By this time the class was onto him. "Probably not," one of them answered. "Good!" he replied. And he reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in and it went into all the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, "Is this jar full?" "No!" the class shouted. Once again he said, "Good!" Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim.

Then he looked up at the class and asked, "What is the point of this illustration?" One student raised his hand and said, "The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard, you can always fit some more things into it!" "No," the speaker replied, "in fact, that's not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don't put the big rocks in first, you'll never get them in at all. Remember: big rocks in first.”

What a life lesson for us: if we fill the jars of our lives with the pebbles, it will always be a struggle to find room for the big rocks. But if we fill the jars of our lives first with the big rocks, the pebbles only fill in the gaps.

I've been thinking alot about this scenario as I enjoy my summer, especially the weeks I am at The Chautauqua Institute. Here I am able to concentrate on the thoughtful process of being more aware of my life, my limited time on this earth, and my priorities. And I get to remember that jar, which usually stands on the shelf while we worry about car pools, groceries, and which movie star is divorced again from which model. Filling our jars with tiny pebbles makes us ignore the calling of the bigger stuff—so celebrated at Chautauqua—the life of the spirit, the beauty of the mind, and the profound priorities of our earth.

It feels like we are forever putting the small rocks in first, and then wondering why there's no more room. We need to refocus our energy, and summer seems like the right time to start. No school, vacation from work, the Jewish High Holidays not here yet. Let summer freedom ask us what it will be that fills up our jars next year.

In Psalm 90:12 we are commanded, ”Teach us to count our days, that we may obtain a heart of wisdom.” One way of counting our days wisely is to make our priorities always clear: big rocks in first, being sure we don’t get filled with unnecessary, small, petty and unimportant.

Rabbi Dr. Elyse Goldstein is the founding Rabbi of City Shul, a Reform congregation in downtown Toronto she started in 2011, which has grown to prominence as one of the most creative synagogues in Canada. She broke the “stained glass ceiling” right after her ordination upon her arrival to Toronto in 1983, as the only female Rabbi in all of Canada. She was quickly recognized as a fiery speaker, skilled teacher and social justice advocate. She was awarded the most prestigious prize in Jewish education, the internationally recognized Covenant Award for Exceptional Jewish Educators in 2005. She is one of seven women featured in the Canadian National Film Board documentary, “Half the Kingdom.” She is the author/editor of four books on Women and Judaism. She received Doctor of Divinity, honoris causis in 2008 from Hebrew Union College and in May 2017 she was awarded Doctor of Laws Honoris Causis from TMU, formerly Ryerson University, in recognition of her path-breaking work in Canada.