Back to School: Learning What Matters

Until this week, I never really stopped to think that at some point, I will no longer go school shopping. Probably a silly thought, but it struck me recently as I was scrolling through social media and saw a post of a woman who had taken a fun day out since she no longer had to do back-to-school shopping. I froze, and thought to myself, “In a few years, that will be me.”

When you start this journey of parenthood or motherhood, at least for me, you’re wrapped up in figuring out what you’re doing. I remember bringing my eldest home as a baby. I was 21, inexperienced with babies and mildly terrified. I remember looking into her beautiful blue eyes and cradling her, thinking “My God, they let me come home with you?!”

It was a little less scary when I brought my youngest home. I had, after all, experienced six years of parenting by then and felt a little more sure of myself. But, as they say, every child is different and I kept learning how to be a mother over and over again.

I still do.

My oldest is now a teen and is always thinking about this one brilliant, strange opportunity we call life and what she wants to do with it. She is contemplating colleges, career paths and dreams of travel and adventure. She is such a bright, determined and beautiful soul, I know she will do well at whatever she puts her mind to. But sometimes, when she is dreaming aloud, I can’t help but want to hold on to her and tell her not to forget to visit her mother every now and again in between her adventures.

My youngest is coming a bit more into her own this year. I can see it a little more clearly than I could with my eldest, a little more independence here, a little quirk of personality there. I guess that is the benefit of experience, knowing enough to recognize these things as time goes by. She, too, is strong and capable and it is a joy to see her grow and learn. I see her free spirited joy, her desire to help and her incredible sense of compassion grow every year.

As we come into this school year, after my awakening to the swift passage of time that of course everyone warned me about but I never truly understood, I can’t help but feel a little wistful. My youngest already has her backpack packed up, is excited to meet her teacher and is contemplating her first day of school outfit. My oldest is reconnecting with friends, discussing her upcoming academics and already lamenting a little about the hectic pace she knows will hit come September. Selfishly, I hold them both a little tighter these days, grasping at the moments a little longer, as I look in to those beautiful blue eyes my daughters share and wonder, “Where has the time gone?”

This coming school year, perhaps I will learn a little something, too. To cherish a little more the before school rush, to enjoy the afterschool snack fests and flurry of activity, to remember the moments are fleeting and time is a gift. I can only hope that the learning going on this year isn’t purely academic. That maybe I, as a mother, will learn to chase those moments with abandon and store them up for the time when I no longer have to buy notebooks and highlighters, school shoes and shiny new backpacks.

Pictured: Katrina Fuller and her daughters, Lilianna (10th Grade) and Annalee (4th Grade).